Twinning Caustics

“Between the waves of the harsh winters, labyrinths of the puzzling meta-structures, poems of the glory and madness, epics of harsh survival… Every story sinks and comes to rest in the depths of the trenches, ravines, and common void. But even in a comatose state, light can bend and evolve through the surface tension, often fracturing into relatable but unintelligible hypnotic patterns. When happiness becomes liminal itself by being fractured through said wavelets, and twins itself by leaning into the past and future, life might feel like an ocean floor, which explains why I am greatly interested in liminal aesthetics. Perhaps life is not a journey at all, but a momentary shadow play at the ocean’s floor.”

“Aroma of the Magnesium sulfate gives its way to a sensetion calmer than the water itself..”

Twinning Caustics is inspired by Level 37 of the Backrooms, the Poolrooms, a place that feels both comforting and alien, beautiful yet unsettling. The title is born from two natural phenomena:

• Caustics: The shimmering light patterns created by water’s unstable surface tension
• Crystal Twinning: A phenomenon where two separate crystals share some of the same crystal lattice points in a symmetrical manner.

This composition is, at its core, a study in timbre and color. I was heavily influenced by Olivier Messiaen’s tonal world and structural thinking.

• Pointillistic Textures: Isolated musical events forming a larger mosaic.
• Usage of Harmonic Series: Limited usage of closely related harmonic content.
• Musical qualities connected to story and its environment: Visualistic composition & exploration of algorithmic writing.
• Transmutations of the material: Repeated usage of the same musical ideas.
• Some 12-tone characteristics.

I have 3 different thematics which all interlock with eachother: ColdCalmWaters, SpiralStaircases, Darkpools.

When the happiness becomes liminal, you might just need to rest for a while…

This piece wasn’t even meant to exist in the first place. Purpose of this piece is just to reflect and think about the things. Don’t get lost in its technical aspirations or study-based intentions; I never manage to fully abandon those, no matter how I try.

In 2025 February, I was in a rough shape. I was burnout, from my non-stop school program, constant composition and deadlines, and bloated lifestyle. I was composing for The Last Republic, for the school, for electroacoustic classes, for my friends, and lastly, for myself… I was taking every musical class I could while trying to process the pre-Erasmus documents. At one point, I had a deadline every single day for four weeks straight.

But this liminal, endlessly repeating workload, couldn’t last forever.

If “Gray Liminality” was the beginning of the collapse, this piece marks its end. After 2 years of constant pressure, over 30 compositions, and countless independent projects, the meaning started to blur. I was still composing, but I wasn’t getting the old emotions, good or bad. Both my ambitions and worries; glory and shame of composing something… They all faded. I did not want to create this piece, because I had to change somethings in my life, rapidly. But I also had to give something to my composition jury. So, at least I could create something about not wanting to create something altogether…

Fractured Caustics is the final outcome of this burnout. It is not a “successful” piece or anything, not technically ambitious or elaborate. I have done more complex and ambiguous projects before, like “Buried Forest” or “Disintegration”. But I find this piece very reflective, natural, honest. I just like it as it is.

After this piece, I started a new era of self development. I started learning guitar, coding websites, sketching again. I wanted to explore different skills, chase new experiences, grow in other directions. Not because I hated who I was, but because I believed I could be more. I was thinking the opposite till this point.

I knew I had to rest a little bit, because my happiness had become too liminal, too distant, too scattered, too alienated, too far... The whole premise of this piece is just that.

This and my unity game “A composer’s weird adventure’s poolrooms level“ are developed together, they are the 2 parts of the same story.